Love Addiction: How to Recognize It, and Why It Can Make You a Target for Romance Scams

There is a real difference between genuinely enjoying a relationship and feeling like you cannot function without one. Most of us have, at some point, fallen hard for someone who was not quite right for us. But there is a line between healthy attachment and something that starts to look a lot more like dependency.

So how do you know when you have crossed that line? And why does this matter so much right now, in an age of dating apps, long-distance online relationships, and international “flings” that never seem to end?

What Is Love Addiction?

Love addiction is not an official clinical diagnosis in the way substance use disorders are, but many therapists and support groups describe it as a pattern of compulsively seeking romantic connection, validation, or intensity, even when doing so causes real harm to your wellbeing, finances, or other relationships.

It can be much harder to recognize than a substance addiction. If you drink too much, gamble away your savings, or develop a dependency on a drug, the consequences tend to be visible fairly quickly. But when the “substance” is another person, and the culture around us celebrates grand romantic gestures and self-sacrifice for love, it becomes much easier to mistake an unhealthy attachment for a great love story.

Only you can decide whether what you are experiencing rises to the level of an addiction. But asking the question honestly is already a meaningful first step.

A Helpful Way to Think About It

An addiction, broadly speaking, is something you wish you could stop, that you have genuinely tried to stop, but that you keep returning to even though it causes you pain, disappointment, or harm, again and again.

Many people experience this with food, with alcohol, and yes, with people. You might know, rationally, that a relationship or a pattern of relationships is not good for you. You might even tell your friends you are done. And then the cycle starts again.

Signs You May Be Dealing With Love Addiction

If several of the following feel true for you, it may be worth exploring this further with a therapist or a support group. You do not need to relate to all of them for this to apply to you.

• You feel very needy in relationships and fall in love quickly, sometimes before you really know the person.
• Once you have feelings for someone, you find it hard to focus on anything else.
• When you are lonely, you sometimes lower your standards just to have someone in your life.
• You tend to overwhelm partners with attention or a need for closeness.
• You have stayed in relationships with people who could not commit, hoping they would eventually change.
• You struggle to end things even when you know a relationship is not healthy for you.
• You ignore warning signs about a person because the initial attraction feels too important to walk away from.
• You trust people who have not earned that trust, simply because you are in love with them.
• The end of a relationship has left you feeling like your world was falling apart.
• You take on far more responsibility for a relationship’s survival than your partner does.
• Being in a relationship feels like the only thing that gives your life meaning.
• You feel intense loneliness or a sense of emptiness when you are not in a relationship.
• You have chosen the wrong partner in the past simply to avoid being alone.
• You feel afraid you will never find lasting love.
• You struggle to say no to a partner, especially if they threaten to leave.
• You try to become whoever your partner wants, even at the cost of your own needs and values.
• You tend to see only what you want to see in a relationship, and reality becomes difficult to accept.
• You have a high tolerance for being mistreated, neglected, or lied to, simply to avoid the anxiety of being alone.
• You have stayed with someone who treated you poorly.
• You feel a compulsive need to check up on a partner, sometimes to an extreme degree.
• You have continued pursuing someone even after they made it clear they were not interested or were involved with someone else.

Recognizing yourself in this list does not mean something is wrong with you. It means you may benefit from more support, and that is worth taking seriously.

Why Love Addiction Makes People Vulnerable to Romance Scams

This is the part that does not get talked about enough.

A deep desire for love and connection is not a flaw. It is deeply human. But scammers know exactly how to exploit that desire, and people who struggle with love addiction or codependency are often more susceptible to certain kinds of manipulation, including catfishing and romance fraud.

Here is why:

The fantasy feels safer than reality. Online relationships allow imagination to fill in the gaps. Someone who is emotionally hungry for connection may unconsciously build an idealized version of a person they have never met in real life, which makes it harder to notice inconsistencies or red flags.

Attention feels like love. Scammers are often skilled at love bombing, meaning they offer intense, constant affection and validation early on. For someone who craves that feeling, it can be very difficult to recognize this as a manipulation tactic rather than genuine connection.

Walking away feels unbearable. If ending a relationship, even one that exists mostly online, triggers intense anxiety or a sense of loss, a person may keep giving money, personal information, or trust to someone who does not deserve it, simply to avoid that pain.

Isolation makes it worse. Scammers frequently try to isolate their targets from friends and family who might raise concerns. Someone who already struggles with loneliness or low self-worth may be more likely to accept that isolation rather than question it.

This dynamic is also connected to a rise in visa and immigration related scams, where a person builds a long-distance romantic relationship, often across borders, and eventually asks for money, documentation, or sponsorship for a visa or green card. The emotional investment built over months or even years can make it extremely difficult for the person being targeted to accept that the relationship may not be what it seems.

If you have found yourself sending money to someone you have never met in person, making excuses for why they can never video call, or feeling unable to walk away despite obvious red flags, this is worth examining closely, ideally with the help of a trusted friend, family member, or professional.

Where to Find Support

You are not alone, and there is no shame in seeking help. Several support communities exist specifically for people working through patterns of love addiction or codependency, many of which are free, confidential, and offer phone or online meetings for people who are not ready to speak in person.

A licensed therapist, particularly one experienced in codependency or attachment issues, can also be an excellent starting point. If romance scams or financial fraud are part of your situation, reporting the activity to your local consumer protection agency or the relevant fraud reporting service in your country is an important additional step.

12-Step Fellowships and Meeting Directories

• Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA)

  • Focus: Specifically targets romantic obsession, fantasy chasing, codependent attachment, and the terror of being alone.

  • Main Website: loveaddictsanonymous.org

  • Meeting Directory: loveaddictsanonymous.org/meetings/online

  • Notes: Features daily Zoom meetings catered to general recovery, newcomers, and specific affinity groups.

• Six and Love Addicts Anonymous (S.L.A.A.)

  • Focus: Addresses emotional and intimate dependency, romantic compulsion, relationship anorexia (shutting down/withdrawal), and fantasy attachment.

  • Main Website: slaafws.org

  • Meeting Finder: slaafws.org/meetings

  • Virtual Meetings Directory: slaavirtual.org/meetings

  • Notes: Offers global listings for both in-person and online video, phone, and text-chat meetings.

• Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA)

  • Focus: Targets patterns of low self-esteem, extreme compliance, boundary erosion, and losing personal identity to maintain a connection.

  • Main Website: coda.org

  • Meeting Locator: coda.org/find-a-meeting

  • Online Directory: coda.org/find-a-meeting/online-meetings

  • Notes: Ideal for individuals who struggle to set boundaries or ignore severe red flags out of a need to fix or save a partner.

• Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families (ACA / ACoA)

  • Focus: Helps adults heal from childhood trauma that causes them to seek out chaotic, high-drama, or hyper-intense relationships.

  • Main Website: adultchildren.org

  • Meeting Directory: adultchildren.org/meeting-search

  • Notes: Crucial for addressing the root trauma that makes high-intensity romance feel familiar or safe.

Questions Worth Sitting With

• Have you ever stayed in a relationship, online or in person, long after your instincts told you something was wrong?
• What does a healthy relationship look like to you, and how does that compare to your current or past relationships?
• If a relationship ended tomorrow, what would that reveal about how much of your identity is tied up in it?

Asking these questions honestly takes courage. Simply being willing to ask them is a meaningful step toward healthier relationships, whether that means a relationship with a partner or the relationship you have with yourself.