If someone is threatening to share private images or videos of you unless you pay them, I want you to hear this first: you are not in trouble. You did not commit a crime. A crime is being committed against you, right now, by someone who is counting on you being too scared and too ashamed to think clearly.

I know how frightening this is. I've been scammed myself, and I remember that sick, can't-breathe feeling of realizing the person on the other side of the screen was never who he said he was. The fear makes everything feel like it has to be solved in the next five minutes. It doesn't. There are clear steps, and you can take them one at a time.

This guide walks you through the first 24 hours: what to do in the first hour, what to do over the next few hours, and what to finish by tomorrow. Read it slowly. You don't have to do everything at once, and you don't have to do it alone.

What sextortion is (and why it happens to smart women)

Sextortion is blackmail. Someone gets hold of private images or videos of you (or claims to), then threatens to send them to your family, friends, employer, or post them online unless you pay or do what they demand. Often it starts with an online romance that moved fast, or a video call that was secretly recorded. Sometimes the person never had anything at all and is simply bluffing.

It is far more common than most people realize. The FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center received more than 75,000 sextortion complaints in 2025, according to its 2025 annual report. And this isn't only a teenage problem. In that same 2025 data, people aged 60 and over reported the highest dollar losses of any age group, nearly $14.9 million.

These criminals run a script. They are often organized groups working many targets at the same time. They didn't pick you because you were foolish. They picked you because you were open, kind, and willing to trust someone who seemed to care about you. Those are good qualities. They just got aimed at the wrong person.

Right now: the first hour

1. Stop and breathe

The whole scheme depends on panic. They'll give you deadlines like "you have 10 minutes" or "pay in the next hour or I send it to everyone." Those deadlines are pressure tactics, not real limits. Put the phone face down for a minute. Take a few slow breaths. Nothing you do in the next sixty seconds needs to be rushed.

2. What the FBI advises about paying

I know this is the hardest one, because paying feels like the fastest way to make it stop. It usually isn't. The FBI's guidance on financially motivated sextortion says it plainly: "Cooperating with the predator rarely stops the blackmail and harassment, but law enforcement can." The FBI also notes that predators sometimes share the images even after the victim pays.

The first payment is very often followed by a second demand, then a third. The Internet Watch Foundation's advice for adults says the same thing: don't pay, because they will likely keep asking for more.

If you've already paid, please don't beat yourself up. Many women do before they know better. Just stop now, and keep the receipts and transaction details, because they are evidence.

3. Don't send any more images

Sometimes the demand isn't money. It's "send me more and I'll delete the first ones." They won't. More images only give them more leverage. Whatever they promise, the answer is no.

4. Don't delete the conversation

Your first instinct might be to wipe everything so it feels like it never happened. Please don't, at least not yet. Those messages are the evidence police and platforms need to identify this person and remove his accounts. The FBI specifically advises victims to save the profile and messages because they can help law enforcement identify and stop the offender.

5. Screenshot everything

Before you block anyone, capture it all. Save the screenshots somewhere safe, like a private folder or an email to yourself. Here's what to grab:

• His profile page, including his display name and the exact username or handle (usernames are easier to trace than names)
• The profile URL (copy and paste it into a note, since screenshots don't always show it)
• Every message, including the threats, with dates and times visible
• Any payment requests: account numbers, gift card requests, crypto wallet addresses, payment app usernames
• Receipts or confirmations for anything you've already sent
• Links to anywhere he claims to have posted something

6. Stop responding

Once you have your evidence, go quiet. Don't argue, don't plead, don't negotiate, don't try to reason with him. Every reply tells him you're still engaged and still afraid. The FBI advises blocking the offender after you report and save his profile, and the IWF tells adults to stop all communication and block on every platform.

Some women feel better sending one final, calm message before blocking, something like "I've reported this to the police. I won't be responding again." That's optional. If sending it would pull you back into a back-and-forth, skip it. Silence is completely fine. You don't owe a criminal an explanation.

Within the next few hours

7. Report the account on the platform

Use the app's own reporting tool on his profile and on the messages. Most platforms (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, WhatsApp, dating apps, and others) have a report option specifically for threats, blackmail, or sharing private images. Report first, then block.

If you met him on a dating app, report him there as well, even if the threats happened somewhere else. Scammers usually move you off the dating app quickly, which is itself one of the classic romance scam warning signs.

8. Lock down your accounts

The threat of "I'll send it to all your friends" only works if he can see who your friends are. So take that away from him. Here's what to do on each account you use:

1. Set your profiles to private. On Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and similar apps, go into Settings, then Privacy, and limit who can see your posts and who can find you.
2. Hide your friends and followers list. On Facebook, you can set "Who can see your friends list" to "Only me." This is one of the most useful steps you can take today.
3. Change your passwords, starting with email, then social media, then anything financial. Use a different password for each one.
4. Turn on two-factor authentication (the extra code sent to your phone or an authenticator app) on your email and social accounts, so no one can get in even with your password.
5. Check what's public. Look at your profiles while logged out, or ask a friend to look. Is your employer listed? Your hometown? Tagged photos of your kids or family? Hide what you can.
6. Consider deactivating (not deleting) an account temporarily if you need a break. Deactivating hides it without destroying evidence.

9. Tell one person you trust

Shame tells you to keep this secret. Shame is lying to you. Secrecy is exactly what the blackmailer needs, because a secret is something he can hold over you. The moment one trusted person knows, a big part of his power disappears.

You don't have to tell everyone. Pick one person: a close friend, a sister, a counselor. You can keep it simple: "Someone is trying to blackmail me online. I'm handling it and reporting it, but I didn't want to be alone with it." You'll be surprised how often the response is kindness, not judgment.

Within 24 hours

10. Report it to law enforcement

Sextortion is a crime in the US, the UK, and many other countries. Reporting it isn't about getting yourself in trouble. It's about creating an official record, helping investigators connect your case to others, and giving yourself a paper trail if anything is ever posted.

• United States: File a report with the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov. The FBI also takes reports at 1-800-CALL-FBI and tips.fbi.gov. You can also file a report with your local police department.
• United Kingdom: Contact your local police on 101 (or 999 if you feel in immediate danger). For online fraud and cybercrime reports, Report Fraud is the national service in England, Wales, and Northern Ireland. It replaced Action Fraud in late 2025. In Scotland, contact Police Scotland on 101.
• Other countries: Contact your local police and your national cybercrime unit. I've put together a country-by-country guide to where to report a romance scammer that covers many of them.

Bring your screenshots, the usernames, profile links, and any payment details. You don't need to show anyone the private images themselves. The threats are the crime.

11. Use StopNCII.org to help block the images

This is the tool I most want every adult woman to know about. StopNCII.org is a free service run by the UK charity SWGfL for people 18 and over. Here's how it works, in plain English:

1. You go to StopNCII.org and select the images or videos you're worried about, right on your own phone or computer.
2. The tool creates a "hash," which is a digital fingerprint, basically a unique code made from the image. The image itself never leaves your device. According to StopNCII's FAQ, no one else sees your images.
3. Only that code is shared with participating platforms. If anyone tries to upload a matching image, the platform can detect it and remove or block it.

StopNCII's partner list includes Facebook, Instagram, Threads, TikTok, Reddit, Snap, X, Bluesky, and Microsoft (including Bing search), among others. In September 2025, Google announced it would begin using StopNCII's hashes to proactively find and remove this kind of content from Search. The list keeps growing, so check their partners page for the latest.

12. If anything was posted, request removal

If he actually posts something, you have options, and they work more often than people think.

• On the website or app where it appears: Use that platform's report or removal form for private images shared without consent. Major platforms prohibit this content and have dedicated reporting options.
• In Google Search: Google lets you ask for personal intimate images to be removed from its search results. You can use its removal request page for personal intimate content, or start a request straight from an image result by clicking the three-dot "More" menu and choosing "Remove result," as described on this Google Search Help page. You can track your requests in Google's "Results about you" hub.
• Then add them to StopNCII. StopNCII's own advice is to report already-posted images to the platform first, then create hashes for future protection.

Removing something from Google Search doesn't delete it from the website that hosts it, so do both: report it to the site, and ask Google to drop it from results.

Your first 24 hours checklist

Do and don't at a glance

What usually happens next

I can't promise you what one particular criminal will do, and I won't pretend to. But I can tell you what the pattern often looks like, so you know what you're facing.

A lot of sextortion is a numbers game. These are frequently organized operations messaging many people at once, reading from scripts, and looking for whoever will pay. Their goal is money, not your humiliation. Posting your images doesn't earn them anything, and it takes time away from the next target. So when a victim goes silent, reports, and doesn't pay, many of them simply move on.

That said, please take every threat seriously. The FBI has noted that images are sometimes shared even when victims pay, and some offenders do follow through. That's exactly why you report, keep your records, lock down your accounts, and set up StopNCII protection. If he contacts you from a new account, don't reply. Screenshot it, add it to your police report, report it on the platform, and block.

Taking care of yourself

Let's talk about you, not just the logistics. Being blackmailed like this can bring up a wave of shame, panic, and dread. You might not be able to eat. You might lie awake refreshing your messages. You might replay every conversation and call yourself names. All of that is a normal reaction to being targeted. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you.

A few gentle things help:

• Turn off notifications for a night, or hand your phone to someone you trust, once you've done the urgent steps. You've already protected yourself. You're allowed to rest.
• Eat something, drink water, and go for a short walk if you can. Your body has been in fight-or-flight mode.
• Talk to someone: a friend, a counselor, or a victim support service. You don't need to tell the whole story to feel less alone.

Protecting yourself going forward

Once the first 24 hours are behind you, you can start thinking about the longer term. Not from a place of fear, but from a place of knowing yourself and your boundaries.

I've traveled to nearly 100 countries, and I'm happily in love today with a much younger man from another country, so I'm the last person who'll tell you online love can't be real. Most men you meet online are exactly who they say they are. The goal is simply to let trust be earned over time. A few habits make a big difference:

• Keep private images private until you've met in person and built real trust, and even then, remember that anything sent can be saved.
• Be cautious when a new connection quickly pushes you to a private app, or pushes for intimacy on a video call very early on.
• Verify who he is before you get emotionally deep. My guides on 20 ways you might be catfished and what it means when he won't video call can help, and so can the Catfish Quiz.
• Keep your friends list hidden and your profile tight, all the time, not just in a crisis.

For more everyday habits, read my online dating safety tips. And if money was also involved in your situation, my guide on what to do if you've been the victim of a romance scam walks through the financial side step by step.

FAQ

Should I pay the person threatening me?

Law enforcement, including the FBI, advises against paying, and the decision is yours. The FBI says cooperating with the offender rarely stops the blackmail, and that images are sometimes shared even after payment. Paying can also mark you as someone who may pay again, which often leads to bigger demands. Save your evidence, stop responding, and report it instead.

Will they really post my images?

Nobody can promise either way. Many sextortion attempts are mass scams that move on to easier targets when they don't get paid, and some scammers don't actually have anything at all. But some do follow through, which is why you should lock down your accounts, report to the police, and use StopNCII.org so participating platforms can block the images if they're uploaded.

Can I get my images removed if they've already been posted?

Often, yes. Report the content directly to the website or app where it appears using its form for private images shared without consent. Then ask Google to remove it from search results using its removal request for personal intimate images. After that, add the images to StopNCII.org (or Take It Down, if you were under 18 in them) to help stop them from being uploaded again on partner platforms.

Will the police judge me?

Sharing private images with a partner as a consenting adult is generally not a crime. Blackmailing someone with them is. Law enforcement agencies, including the FBI, treat sextortion as a serious crime and see you as the victim. If an officer ever makes you feel judged, you can ask to speak to someone else or file your report online through IC3 or your national reporting service.

What if I'm married, or just really embarrassed?

Embarrassment is exactly the lever these criminals pull, and they deliberately target people who have a lot to lose. Whatever your situation, the steps are the same: don't pay, save evidence, report, and lock down your accounts. You get to decide who you tell and when. A counselor or a coach can help you think through a difficult conversation without pressure.

What if he says he'll send it to my family or my employer?

That's the most common threat, and it's designed to make you panic. Hide your friends and followers lists, make your profiles private, and remove your workplace from public profiles. If you're worried, you can quietly give one family member or a manager a heads up that someone is trying to blackmail you with a scam. When they hear it from you first, the threat loses most of its power.

You are going to be okay

If you've read this far, you've already done the hardest thing, which is to stop panicking long enough to make a plan. Take the next step on the checklist, then the one after that. You are not the first woman this has happened to, and you are not alone in it now. If you'd like someone calm in your corner while you work through it, you can book a private 30-minute call with me. And you can find all of my guides on the Guides & eBooks page. With love, April.