Stop Saying “All Men Are Assholes” & Start Saying This Instead

I used to have a daily rant and chant; “All men are assholes”.

I get why many women say that. But I want to challenge you to stop saying all men are jerks and start saying this instead:

Like attracts like.

Before you get upset and defensive; hear me out.

Yes, it’s true that a guy who is cheating IS an asshole, and I’m single, so what does this mean, “like attracts like”; how the hell am I like a guy who’s cheating?

Well, if you focus on specific behaviors, like cheating, it’s easy to point the finger and be the victim.

But take a step back and look at the bigger picture to see the real problem. When you keep attracting undesirable men who are not high quality, decent guys, and you continue focusing on THEM, the cycle continues.

I have done this with food; I kept focusing on the excess weight, but never looked at the underlying problem. But once I realized that whether I starved myself or went to the gym for 10 hours a day or did gastric bypass surgery, nothing would change. It was only when I began to pray and meditate and go to therapy and got a sponsor in a food addiction program that I could finally work on the real issues.

Only then did I began eating healthier meals and start really taking care of myself, and then the weight began melting off.

So, you could focus on men and their bad behavior, whether that includes cheating or other less than desirable behaviors, or you could take a step back and try to figure out why you are attracting this type of man.

When I changed my anger and bitterness at the men I was dating who turned out to be cheaters who were married or in committed relationships, or men who were simply not high value, and when I started reminding myself that “like attracts like,” my dating life changed exponentially.

It’s a highly controversial way of thinking when it comes to dating, I know.

But if you are at the point where you feel so frustrated with dating and you keep meeting jerks and losers that you feel your only option is to become a nun, hear me out.

When women come to me and express their frustration at the dating scene, on and offline, my response often pisses them off.

I get it.

I have felt the same way when it was said to me.

But it’s true; like attracts like.

When I stopped being negative about men and dating, and stopped accusing all men of being assholes or pigs or jerks, and started saying this instead, (like attracts like), things shifted.

Having a new mindset and taking responsibility for what I was attracting in my life based on my energy and my vibe) helped me to dramatically change the way I was thinking and the type of men I was attracting.

There is a saying, that “You are the sum total of the five people you surround yourself with,”. I have found that this is true with friends as well as in more intimate, dating relationships.

It took me awhile to realize it, but the truth is, when I am at my healthiest (physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually), I attract pretty decent guys.

But when I am struggling with my weight or finances, or during the times when I have been in a funky depression, and especially when I relapse and I am in a food and/ or shopping addiction; in general am not at my best in any way, this is when I have struggled with dating and meeting quality men.

For example, in the past I was frustrated because I was meeting married or unavailable men who were not able or willing or capable of being in a relationship with me.

I would complain to friends and professionals like my therapist, expecting to get some sympathy. Instead, I kept hearing the same thing from everyone.

I was told repeatedly to stop saying “All men are assholes,” and start saying this instead: like attracts like.

I was confused, and irritate, and my response was, “What do you mean, like attracts like?! I am NOT MARRIED. I am 100% available.”

But the truth was; I was not.

I was struggling and not at the top of my game. I was completely obsessed and focused on being overweight, and yet I was addicted to trying to find comfort and solace in food or through shopping. And of course, my finances were a mess.

How could I be available for anyone else when I was obsessed with the stuff I was dealing with?

There is no way I could put my focus and time and energy and heart into a man because I was not even giving myself those things.

Eventually, when I got into a much healthier place and lost weight, and slowly began to be more responsibly with my money, I began seeing things more clearly.

I started to eat more healthy and joined FA (Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous) and created and stuck to a spending plan that worked for me. I focused on myself, and my relationship with The Creator. I put my all into my level up journey, and it worked! I did meet some wonderful men, including one that I was serious enough to consider marrying.

I have gone though period of self evaluation and reflection a few times, and when I stop and look at myself (rather than focusing on the men and their flaws) and I make changes, miraculously, the men seem to change.

I am always the common denominator.

If every guy I meet is not high quality, Sometimes I need to turn those pointing fingers around and take a look at myself and where I am at in my level up journey.

Last year I had to admit that I had fallen off the beam and my life was a mess once again. Rather than to create a strategy to fix the things that were not working in my life, I tried to distract myself by dating.

It made sense to me; dating can be exciting and fun. But instead, I was frustrated with the caliber of men I was talking to. I started to feel negatively about dating in general, until I remembered the saying, “Birds of a feather, flock together.”

Ouch.

I stopped focusing on the men who were not calling or showing up, men who were ghosting, or even the nice guys who were simply too busy with work or family to make and keep a date.

The pandemic was a big part of it, (but not the entire reason) but I got into a deep, dark place. I had gained weight, I was deeper in debt than I had ever been in my life, and I was in a dark depression, filled with self pity.

I decided to pick myself up and get back on my journey, and I put dating on hold for a year or maybe longer.

This decision was not to meet better quality men, but actually, to fall in love with myself again.And to have a relationship with my higher power.

It has not been an easy path.

I have slipped up a few times over the past few months, with food, spending money to “reward” myself, and being tempted to date.

More and more, when I am tempted to indulge in the things that my crazy brain thinks will smother the pain or sadness, I use the tools I have to stick to my plan. I am in control of my finances and am consistent with paying off my debt, I have lost 30 pounds so far, and I pray and meditate.

More and more I am abstaining from the things that keep me from being at my best. Today I am on track and feeling good, and I am reminded daily that if, instead of saying “All men are assholes,” instead, I repeat my mantra: like attracts like.

I count my blessings and I really love that I am surrounded by positive, happy, successful people who have what I want.

One day, that may include a wonderful, positive, successful man who loves, adores and cherishes me. But for now, I’m working on falling in love with myself.

What are your thoughts on dating? Do you believe all men are jerks, or do you find that when you are healthier, you attract more amazing, high value men? Why do you believe the way you do; share your experiences with us in the comments below!