What To Look For In a Potential New Partner

Currently, I’m working on improving myself physically, mentally, and financially, so seeking a partner is not my main focus, but I do check my messages on dating sites every once in awhile.

Usually, I get a “hey” or “s’up”, or a message highlighting my physical attributes; “yo, girl, you got some sexy legs (butt, breasts, or whatever),” from men who obviously have not read my profile.

Recently a man from a dating website sent me a question which immediately made him stand out from all the other guys. In fact, I answered without even looking at his photos.

I was already interested, eager to find out more about him and his appearance didn’t really matter. While I do have a preference for a man with teeth, I am a sapiosexual so a smart, interesting man will always get my attention faster than a cute guy with not much going on upstairs.

This stranger already had me intrigued by being interested enough to ask such an important, probing question.

His question was, “What do you want to learn about a potential new partner?”

A simple question, but in all the years I’ve been off and on checking out online dating sites, no man had ever asked me that. And it isn’t simply with dating sites. I have thousands of friends/ followers on social media, and many of them are men (strangers I’ve never met or even chatted with) and many of them declare their interest, or even their “love” for me based on my (mostly fake) photos.

No man had asked me this question.

It’s a great question, and it got me thinking. It’s a bit different from the question “What are you looking for in a man”. This was more immediate, and forced me to narrow down a few things that I consider deal-breakers.

Below is my list of the things I’d like to know about a new man.

What Do You Want to Learn About a Potential New Partner?

Is he happy?

No one’s happy all the time of course, but, for example, if he’s unhappy in his career or with his finances, or if he absolutely hates his job, is he in school or taking actions to change jobs?

Is he taking courses to educate himself to elevate his status, to level up, or to be able to change his career?

With finances, is he resolving and working on his debt to become solvent?

Does he his life by using the principles of the Law of Attraction?

Even if he is just starting to learn (as I am) and to realize that thoughts are extremely powerful, and what you think about, your core beliefs, are what you think about you attract to you, does he really believe that anything in his life he is not satisfied with, he can change by changing his thoughts?

How does he “fight”?

Its easy to see how whether a man loves his partner by the way he treats me, but that honeymoon period can go on for quite a while, before you see other sides to someone.

We are all humans, so no matter how much we like or love each other, occasionally there will be disagreements.

I want to know not just whether he will bring me flowers or tells me I’m beautiful or whether we will be in sync sexually.

I want to know if when he is upset with me, (whether justified or not) will he curse/ swear (a deal breaker for me), yell & scream?

Or will he “need space” and run away and avoid confrontation?

A man leaving and refusing to discuss things does not work for me. I can’t; I’ve got abandonment issues and need to fix it and move on.

Or will he calmly explain how he feels and why, and will he listen, really listen to how I feel, and strive to find a solution by compromising?

I think one of my strongest qualities is that I admit when I am wrong (even when the other person doesn’t) and figure out a way to improve, fix things, or even change if it’s an undesirable characteristic.

What type of relationship does he want?

Some people are looking for an equal partner where everything is 50/50. Others prefer being very much in control.

My sister absolutely loved having a husband who worshipped her and each day did his best to make her happy. She’s a strong matriarch in our family who sometimes drives everyone insane with her desire to control everything.

I secretly loved it because she took on all the responsibility, and she just loves to always have everything running smoothly, she’s incredibly organized, her house is always neat and she’s always had perfect credit and money in the bank.

And, she’s always taking care of her children and their children, and our mother, making sure everyone is healthy and safe and comfortable.

I’m different. My life has been more messy at times, but I admired her and used her as inspiration. I’ve changed my finances, my home, and my relationships for the better because I’ve listened to her advice.

But, I’ve never been comfortable being the one in control. Actually, that’s not true. I have owned several businesses, and I love being in charge and getting things done in the workspace. I’ve been told I’m a natural born leader.

But in my romantic relationships, I’m drawn to more dominant, confident, alpha males. I don’t like domineering jerks, but a man who is most comfortable being in charge is so sexy to me.

When I was married, I found it incredibly appealing to allow my ex-husband to be the head of the house.

He respected and asked for my opinion, but when it came to things like money, he made the decisions. I would kick and scream and wanted to go shopping or partying, (I was young!) he reminded me that our goal was to buy a house in a good neighborhood, to own nice cars, and to have our own businesses. So, I reluctantly gave him my paychecks and he would give me an allowance.

But when we achieved our goals and dreams, it was worth it.

Don’t get me wrong; I love a man who loves, adores and cherishes me. My ideal partner will respect me and ask my opinion, but he will be an alpha male who does the right thing for us as a team to reach our goals.

Of course I would love for him to pamper me and treat me like a princess. I like when my mate makes sure I’m safe and protected. But if I’m acting bratty, I want a strong man who will not allow me to behave in a demanding, selfish or spoiled way.

I love nice guys; I just want a nice guy with a backbone. And of course, I would absolutely love to please him and make sure I keep him happy as well.

These are just a few things I look out for when meeting a new man. Which leads me to the final point.

Does he ask ME questions?

Sure, many guys will ask questions when they meet a woman. But most of the time the questions don’t go very deep, like asking a woman what she wants to learn when meeting a potential new partner. That’s a really good sign that he’s actually interested.

I met a man once in a spirituality group years ago, and his words made me change everything about the way I date.

He mentioned in the group one day about what he’s looking for in a wife. I interrupted him and said, “But recently you told us that you are not dating.”

“I’m not,” he said.

“Well then, how are you going to find a wife?”

“I meet women, but I don’t believe in dating. When I get together with a woman I’m interested in, I’m secretly interviewing her. I’m interviewing her, asking her questions to see whether she is a good potential match for me.

If a man is not looking at you as his potential wife, then why in the world would you even go on a date with him?”

Now some of you may be simply interested in hooking up and having fun, not looking to fall in love. But for those of you who are open to meeting your potential soul mate, what are you looking for? And is the man you’re attracted to and hoping to become romantically involved with really feeling the same way about you?

Pay close attention, not only to the questions to answers, but to the questions he does (or does not) ask YOU.

Oh, sh*t! I almost forgot one of the most important things to learn about a potential new partner.

Does he want to travel?

I once met a man online who seemed perfect. He was handsome, super smart, successful, and around my age. I could check off all the boxes, and on paper he seemed like the ideal match for me. He was extremely generous, he was open to moving to a warmer climate which was music to my ears because I hate the cold and always try to escape winters. Most of all, he was looking for a long term relationship that would ultimately lead to marriage, and he seemed genuinely interested in me.

It was only after we started making plans to meet and spend time together, both of us eager to see if this could be “The One”.

But suddenly, he dropped a bomb on me.

He disliked travel. In fact, he had not gone on a plane in many years, and only reluctantly agreed to travel, IF it was a road trip. I insisted that I had traveled to every single place on my bucket list already, and that finding love was my priority. I swore that if I found the right man, I could give up travel forever.

I refused to let this man simply end things because we were seeking very different things. I argued and insisted it was not a problem. But after he stopped calling (for multiple reasons), I had to admit to myself that if I had married a man who did not like to travel, a part of my soul would have died.

Make sure you really meditate on what exactly your deal breakers are, and you will save yourself time and possibly from heartbreak.

What you want to know about a potential new partner? And what are your deal breakers?