Why You Should Not Give Your Foreign Lover Money & Gifts

Lately, I have been hearing more and more about women getting hurt after giving foreign boyfriends money and gifts, only to find out later that the man they believed was truly in love with them simply used them.

I have heard these stories from women in Facebook groups, on forums for long-distance relationships, in rooms for solo female travelers on Clubhouse, and from close friends.

I have also watched many episodes of 90 Fiance and all of the offshoot programs with similar subjects where it is obvious that people were being used.

But I have also heard many success stories about long-distance couples falling in love and living (mostly) happily ever after. And in many of those relationships, one of the partners had a significantly greater income than the other, and yet somehow, they managed to overcome this and work through it; especially when it is the man who is financially solvent.

But when you are a woman from Europe or America and your partner lives in a country where his income is significantly less or is unemployed, this can be such a significant issue.

You could simply send him money and gifts. You’re in love. Perhaps planning to marry. Oftentimes, especially if you have been single for a long time, or when you’ve been in toxic, unhealthy relationships and finally you meet “The One”, your dream man, your soul mate, you do not want to see him suffering.

So of course, your first instinct may be to help him in any way you can. You love this man. He would do the same for you, wouldn’t he?

Maybe.

But whether he would or not, I’m going to tell you why you should not.

Why You Should Never Send Your Foreign Boyfriend Money or Gifts:

In a world that is now globalized, it is not uncommon to meet people from different countries online, fall in love, and start a relationship. Meeting and dating people online has increased exponentially since the pandemic began in 2020.

While it is exciting to be in a relationship with someone from a different country, it is important to be cautious when it comes to sending money or gifts to your foreign boyfriend. In this article, we will discuss the reasons why you should never send your foreign boyfriend money or gifts.

You Want to Date Ethically

Recently there have been documentaries and articles about female sex tourism, or romance tourism that has become increasingly popular in places like The Gambia, Ghana, Jamaica, Morocco, and other countries.

For years people have focused on sex tourism by (usually) white American and European men going on vacation to places like Thailand, Brazil, and other economically disadvantaged countries specifically to exploit women and children for sex.

But now, the stoplight is also on female travelers who are meeting men abroad. Yes, there are differences. Most times women are not actively paying a male sex worker by the hour for transactional sex, so it is easy to point the finger at men when they are with prostitutes.

But a rose by any other name…

There is a very thin line between what is now being labeled as “romance tourism” and women who fall in love with a man they meet abroad.

What is the difference? According to Liza Berdychevsky in “Romance Tourism,

“Women’s quests for romance and difference fuel these sexual encounters, and racialized, exoticized, and hypersexualized stereotypes about local men commonly underpin such relationships.”

Ask yourself, is your relationship solely transactional, based on sex and romance in exchange for money and gifts?

For 100 more questions to ask yourself, click here and here.

It’s Co-Dependent

When you start sending money or gifts to your foreign boyfriend, it can create a co-dependent relationship. He may start to rely on you financially and you may feel responsible for his well-being. This can cause you to feel overwhelmed and stressed out and may put a strain on the relationship.

You Need to Respect Him

By sending money or gifts, you may unintentionally disrespect your boyfriend’s ability to provide for himself. It may also make him feel inferior and inadequate, which can lead to a loss of self-esteem.

He Needs to Have Self-Respect

On the other hand, your foreign boyfriend needs to have self-respect and independence. If he is constantly relying on you for financial support, he may lose his sense of independence and self-respect.

You Don’t Want to Be His Mother

Sending money or gifts to your foreign boyfriend can make you feel like his mother, constantly worrying about his needs and providing for him. This can be emotionally draining and can lead to a feeling of resentment towards him.

You Will Be Resentful

As mentioned earlier, constantly providing for your boyfriend can lead to a feeling of resentment towards him. This can cause you to become unhappy in the relationship and may even lead to a breakup.

You Probably Need the Money Yourself

Sending money or gifts to your foreign boyfriend may not be financially feasible for you. You may need the money for yourself, your family, or your future plans. It is important to prioritize your own needs and financial stability.

You Need Money For Your Children/ Family

If you have children or other family members, then they are your priority. Do you really have so much extra income that you can afford to neglect their needs and send money to someone who may or may not be the honest, sincere, sweet man you hope he is?

This should be a given, but your children come first.

You Could Be Investing in Crypto or Other Investments & Growing Your Wealth

Instead of sending money to your foreign boyfriend, you could be investing in cryptocurrency and growing your wealth. This is a smarter financial decision that can benefit you in the long run. If you plan to be with any man whether he is local or a foreigner, you need to have financial security. If you do have a healthy, loving relationship, you can always grow your wealth and assets together after you are married.

You Deserve an Equal Partner

In a healthy relationship, both partners should contribute equally, not necessarily with finances, but for many men being financially secure, or perhaps the main provider, this is a priority, particularly with men from other countries. By constantly providing for your foreign boyfriend, you are not giving him the opportunity to contribute equally to the relationship.

You Need to Feel Confident He Really Loves

If your foreign boyfriend is only with you for financial gain, he may not truly love you. By not sending money or gifts, you can see if he truly loves you for who you are, not for what you can provide. If he sticks around when he is not benefitting from you financially, the trust and confidence will increase.

Your Self-Esteem Will Suffer (As will his)

If you constantly provide for your foreign boyfriend, it can lead to a loss of self-esteem for both you and him. He may feel inadequate and you may feel like you are not valued for who you are.

You’ll See His True Feelings When You Say No

If you say no to sending money or gifts, you will see your foreign boyfriend’s true feelings towards you. If he becomes angry or resentful, it may be a sign that he is not in the relationship for the right reasons.

You Need to Trust Your Man to Provide for You

In a healthy relationship, you should trust your partner to provide for you. If your foreign boyfriend is not financially stable, he may not be ready for a relationship yet. Give him the respect and space he needs to be the best version of himself he can be so that he will have a sense of pride and accomplishment.

You Might Appear Desperate

Most women who dish out their earnings to their boyfriends often come out as desperate. This is seen as an attempt to keep a man where love has failed. While you might treat him once in a while, completely providing for your boyfriend makes it look like you are so desperate to keep him.

It might be the reason for your breakup

Many relationships break due to different misunderstandings. Finances, shared finances especially, are a source of arguments and you giving money to your boyfriend isn’t any different. If anything, things might get tough faster in this case as you might feel like he owes you explanations for what he does with the money you give to him. You will end up feeling shortchanged if he spends it in ways you don’t support and you two might end up arguing constantly about it.

If He’s Broke He’s Not Ready to Be In a Relationship Yet

You can be friends, but becoming financially stable and secure needs to be his priority. Give him the respect and space he needs to get there.

It Could Be a Scam

There are many, many romance scammers out there. The only way you can know for sure is if you refuse to give a man money and he sticks around.

While plenty of successful relationships begin online, scammers also use online dating sites, apps, and chat rooms to trick you into sending them money. These imposters create fake profiles to build online relationships and eventually convince people to send money in the name of love.

https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/blog/2018/07/online-love-asking-money-its-scam

https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/blog/2018/02/has-online-love-interest-asked-you-money?page=1

If you want to hear a badass podcast on sex and travel, check out The Erica James Travel Show, (episode #83, but check out her other episodes, too)!

This is a really controversial topic; what are your thoughts? Have you sent your man money or gifts or would you never do that? Have you ever sent a man money but later found out he was a scammer? Do you have a beautiful, loving, healthy relationship with a man you met while traveling? Please leave your comments below!

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